I’m guilty of this sometimes because, to me, using the pronouns you and your help personalize a script. But Graeme Newell sees it differently…. (excerpt of his advice this time)
….use of “you” and “your” can actually dissuade the viewer from watching.
“You” and “your” serve as a qualifier at the top of a tease. Take this tease for example:
“If you own a mini-van, you’ll want to see this next story. Find out which mini-vans did best in government crash tests.”
The first sentence sends a message that if you DON’T own a mini-van, this story is not for you. It is only for those people out there who drive mini-vans. In this case, the first sentence of the tease is telling a majority of the audience that they’re out of the club, and don’t need to stick around.
If you drop the “you” line at the top of this tease, then you’re not actively excluding a majority of your viewers. People who own mini-vans will want to watch, and you’re not actively turning other car owners away. I may not own a mini-van, but I may still want to watch a bunch of vans get smashed to pieces against a wall at 40 miles per hour.
If we use third person on this tease, it invites everyone to come:
“Find out which mini-vans did best in government crash tests.”
If you own a mini-van you’ll be interested, but more importantly, the vast number of people who DO NOT own a mini-van have not been turned away by the “you” sentence.
Second person tense can be particularly troublesome in health stories:
“If you’re a one-armed midget with a limp, we’ve got great news for you tonight.”
How many people fit this criteria? I recommend that you avoid using “you” and “your” in situations where only a small portion of the audience will be directly effected. Use these words freely when talking about health topics that concern us all, things like vitamins, avoiding cancer, eating healthy, etc. Be particularly vigilant when talking about obscure diseases. I may not have hodgkin’s lymphoma, but I might still be interested in the story. If we use a “you” in this sentence, we’re taking most of the audience out of play.
When you write your tease, just do the math. What percentage of the audience will this story directly effect? If it is less than half, use “you” sparingly.
Graeme Newell writes these writing tips in the marketing matters section of TV spy. These tips never “age out” unlike the gossip section of the website.
